PM announces progressive privatisation of himself



Prime Mininister David Cameron has announced that he is to commence a staged privitisation of his own body parts, beginning with his hair.

Addressing leading business people at the annual Pointless Get-together of Business People for no Fathomable Reason Awards, Prime Minister Cameron said it was time for politicians to show leadership in what is widely tipped to be the beginning of further private sales of public property.

Cameron: Time to show leadership 

"It is time for politicians to show leadership," he said.

Although government sources refused to reveal the exact details of the sale, it is widely believed that Richard Branson, a long-time admirer of the Prime Minister's hair, has cut a deal to take over the running of the previously publicly-funded follicles.

"This represents value for the public," a spokesperson for Number 10 said, adding that the sale of the hair will save the taxpayer some £2000 in yearly haircuts alone. Commenting on his decision to part with his trademark hair, the Prime Minster added, "I believe in gradual and sustained growth."

May: Bush

In a further move towards driving the policy forward, it was revealed that Theresa May is in advanced negotiations to sell her bush to an unnamed hedge fund.  


The Blairitis effect once again reaches crisis levels

Following the news that the US and UK are once again dropping "humanitarian" bombs on Iraq, specialists have warned that Neoconservative warmongers could soon find themselves suffering under the illusory effects of Blairitis.  Symptoms include extreme hubris, a singular lack of care for their fellow humans, unapologetic arrogance, and utter contempt for those who fail to join them in the glorification and cult of killing the defenceless. It's mainly known to effect privileged white males.

Blairitis is known to cause frightening
and ranting delusions

The illness is named after the man who found himself so afflicted by the condition that it's thought that he will never recover. Indeed, many have recently commented that his condition, if anything, has worsened. Worryingly, Blairitis has now spread so rapidly into the corporate press, the BBC and mainstream politics that it seems unlikely a cure will be found anytime in the near future. Specialists have therefore warned the public to beware those who preach "western morality" as factually superior, as well as those who value oil, weapons and power above the slaughter of their fellow human beings. Blairitis is known to be fatal.


Michael Gove and the ideological wish to kill loads of people he doesn't like very much... given half a chance

Michael Gove has announced the creation of a special think-tank that will look into ways of keeping undesirable types out of politics. For good. 

"Disgrace, you're a disgrace!"

These are the words that Gove directed towards Tory backbenchers following their refusal to vote in favour of killing some people in Syria that Gove was rather hoping to send to an early grave.

Presumably, they were the first to go into Gove's little black book.

Gove will report his findings to his fellow members of The Henry Jackson Society, a right-wing, warmongering collection of homoerotic willy-wavers and establishment weirdos. Quite what attracted the war-pushing Thatcher-Blair-neocon-loving Gove to seeking such company is unclear. The war-loving classes (mainly privileged white males with an inflated sense of entitlement) keep strange bedfellows, indeed. It is to such people that Gove seeks us all to be at the mercy of.

Sticking to the war theme, Gove has also spoken out against what he sees as the distorted way in which the history of the first and second world wars are both formally taught and represented in general culture. Of course, being an ex-Murdoch minion, Gove knows a thing or two about mendacity.



Just Another War Porn Addict

In short, we are expected, in modern Britain, to take seriously the thoughts and words of a man who previously used to make a living working for probably the foulest media presence on the planet, who has since moved on to aggressively push a dismal form of politics that advocates jingoism, elitism and endless war, under the banner of "western morality". And while Gove may fabricate a veneer of intellectual pursuit, his ideas and career-path are that of just another crawler-to-power and war-porn addict, the like of which fill Murdoch's newsrooms and infest the minds of the imperialism-starved elites, to whom Gove has so egregiously crawled.
Thinking of going into politics but don't like the idea of bombing people? Not if Gove has anything to do with it.

       

Iain Duncan Smith - The Wanker - A Review



Iain Duncan Smith - The Wanker

Iain Duncan Smith (Moronic Press £0.99)

Iain Duncan Smith is a man of no contradictions. In this un-refreshingly dishonest account of his spectacularly dull, crass and horrifically self-serving existence, Duncan Smith tells us of his deep personal struggle to reconcile his huge ambition with his prodigiously limited talents, and the fight to be taken seriously when everyone else thought he was a bit of a berk.

It is only towards the end of the book that you really begin to get a sense of what a catastrophic waste that the last three hours of your life has been, attempting to wade through another cataclysmically tedious political memoir. If I had spent the evening attempting to nail my scrotum to the wainscoting it would probably have been more rewarding. This book and subject is so gnawingly and spirit-sappingly boring that if you took it outside and read it aloud, any passing birds would voluntarily hurl themselves from the sky in protest.

See Also: The Heartless Cunt -The Movie

Ultimately, Duncan Smith sets out his vision for a modern, dynamic approach to 21st century politics, just like all other people who write this kind of shit do. However, I came away from this book with a certain kind of respect for the man: is he, after all, a wanker, as the title so boldly suggests? Yes, a massive wanker, a wanker of such magnitude that one can only imagine that he was simply born to be such a total and utter wanker.

MQF

Cameron tells the oil companies and banks it's business as usual in his beloved Scotland


The BBC - The British Bomb-Throwers Club

Lord Reith, the founder of the BBC, once said of the establishment: "They know they can trust us not to be really impartial." In short, the BBC was created to be the official state propaganda outlet for the nation.

Official members of the Bomb-Throwers Club


Therefore, generations of over-privileged genocidal warmongers have been afforded state-controlled freedom to kill, maim and dismember at will, all in the name of "state security" or "humanitarian intervention". Plus, of course, money. 


So why do privileged white males feel the need to carry out or support the killing of their fellow human beings? Most of them, of course, have never been anywhere near a warzone, nor would they dream of letting their children close. Wars are designed to be fought with every last drop of other people's blood. Could it be the remnants of an imperialist mindset? Maybe. But there could be a much simpler explanation.

Small Man Parts.



Perhaps one example of the BBC finally standing up for the little guy, so to speak.