Mehdi Hasan

Mehdi Says

Ah, this old chestnut! My advice would be to talk to Nick and explain to him how you feel. Sometimes, Liberal Democrats are more intelligent than you might think.

Communication is so important. However, if talking doesn't work, you could always suggest that Nick spends the night in the spare room, and then get Iain Duncan Smith to burst in and attempt to evict him for non-payment of the bedroom tax.

I suggest you call my special helpline How To Deal With Troublesome Liberal Democrats. Good Luck! 

 

Smitten: Andrew thinks he may be in love.

Andrew tells Mehdi his Story

"At first, it was just the small things. I'd catch sight of him on TV, or see his picture in the newspapers. Of course, I found him attractive, but didn't think too much about it. But as time passed, I found myself thinking about Tony more and more. After he invaded Iraq, I even went on national TV and made a twat of myself by spewing out some of the most servile horseshit you could ever wish to hear. Now, whenever I interview him, I can't seem to help but dribble and fawn over him in the most buttock-clenchingly sycophantic way possible. I carry his poster with me everywhere I go. Can you help, or am I a hopeless case?" Andrew 

Mehdi Says

"Andrew, nobody ever said falling in love is easy. To a trained eye such as mine, it has always been obvious, having watched the way you act around Tony, that you have long been deeply in love with him. However, you should try and bear in mind that sometimes people are not always who we think they are. It may be that Tony has done things in the past that made other people cross with him, such as lying about the reasons for going to war, or being complicit in killing hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians. You know, stuff like that. Ask yourself one question: Does Tony love others as much as he loves himself? There is much wisdom to be found in the answer."